Sunday, September 26, 2010

Old Country Jewish Humor Is The Best Humor #3

As this is a slow news Sunday and visitors are, quite rightly, sparse I am taking advantage of the downtime to post, hopefully for the amusement of others, from my favorite "Old Country" collection of Jewish folklore.

As it was with my previous postings this repository of thousands of years of, mostly Russian Jews bittersweet, ironic, self deprecating, joyous humor and wisdom, has humor mixed with didacticism and vice versa ! Here are some of my favorite Matchmaker jibes and jests-enjoy!

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THE TRUTH WILL OUT

A marriage broker had taken a young man on a visit to a prospect. As they left the house the broker said triumphantly, "didn't I tell you what a wonderful family they were, and how rich? Did you notice the quality of the silverware on the table? Pure sterling !"

Y-e-s," grudgingly conceded the young man. " But don't you think it's possible that in order to make a good impression on me they borrowed the silverware?"
"Ach, what nonsense!" cried the broker with exasperation." Who'd lend any silverware to those thieves?"

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ONLY SOMETIMES

The boy and girl went for a stroll. The boy said to his matchmaker when they next met,"But she limps!"
"Only when she walks," agreed the matchmaker.

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THE ART OF EXAGGERATION

Once there was a marriage broker who felt he was getting old and unable to get around any more as much as he used to. He therefore hired a young assistant who knew nothing about the business. He had to start from scratch with him
"know young man," said the marriage broker,"that the most important thing in matchmaking is exaggeration. You must lay it on thick!"
"I fully understand," answered the assistant brightly.
One day the master took his assistant along on a matchmaking visit to a rich man who had  an only son.
"Remember what I told you!" the marriage broker warned his assistant. "Above all things, be enthusiastic and don't hesitate to lay it on."
When they came to the rich man the broker began:
"I've just the right girl for your son! She comes of a good family."
"Good family!" exclaimed his assistant rapturously. "Why, they're descendants of the most illustrious Rabbi's!"
"And they are rich too," the broker went on.
"What do you mean 'rich'!? interrupted his assistant. "They're millionaires!"
"As for the girl, she's as pretty as a doll!" gushed the broker.
"A doll!" snorted his assistant with scorn. "Why she's a raving beauty!"
At this the broker threw a dubious look at his assistant.
"To tell the truth." he faltered, "she has just a trifling little handicap-she has a tiny wart on her back."
"What do you mean, a tiny wart !" enthused the assistant. "Why, she has a regular hump!"

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