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SUPPORT THIS CONSERVATIVE VOICE

Friday, September 30, 2011

Teddy Roosevelt & Sarah Palin-Parallel Lives Parallel Destinies?

I have noticed that this article,which was posted over a year go, gets a steady stream of hits. Perhaps the conjecture that Palin might run as a third party independent (which I doubt and don't wish to see) against the Republican establishment-as did Teddy Roosevelt-might have something to do with the continued interest. 

There are interesting parallels to the lives of Palin/Roosevelt which just might increase this election period. Anyway, since this blog has, with thanks to the kind readers, increased in views substantially since this article was originally posted, I thought I would bring it to a wider viewing.
****************************************



PARALLEL LIVES. TEDDY ROOSEVELT'S JOURNEY

T.R. THE GREAT CONSERVATIONIST ON A WOLF CULL.PALIN CRITICIZED FOR EXACTLY THE SAME CONCEPT.
AND A BEAR HUNT IN LOUISIANA !

T.R. ELECTED TO NEW YORK CITY COUNCIL IN HIS 20's
S.P. ELECTED TO WASILLA COUNCIL IN HER 20's
T.R RAN FOR MAYOR OF NEW YORK IN HIS 30's-LOST
S.P. MAYOR OF WASILLA IN HER 30's
S.P. RAN FOR LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR OF ALASKA-LOST

T.R. APPOINTED TO MAJOR OFFICE AS CIVIL SERVICE COMMISSIONER
S.P. APPOINTED TO MAJOR OFFICE AS OIL & GAS COMMISSIONER

T.R. ELECTED GOVERNOR AT AGE 40
S.P. ELECTED GOVERNOR AGE 42

T.R. NOMINATED FOR VICE-PRESIDENT AGE 42
S.P. NOMINATED FOR VICE-PRESIDENT AGE 44

T.R. AUTHORED BOOKS INCLUDING 'AMERICAN IDEALS'
S.P. AUTHORED BOOKS INCLUDING 'AMERICA BY HEART'

T.R AND S.P. HUNTERS AND CONSERVATIONISTS.
OUTDOORS PEOPLE WITH ROOTS IN IDAHO,THE DAKOTA'S AND ALASKA. 
FEARLESS DEFEATERS OF CORRUPTION.
***********************************************************

STRENGTH OF CHARACTER, LEADERSHIP, HONESTY-PAST PRESIDENT



STRENGTH OF CHARACTER, LEADERSHIP. HONESTY-FUTURE PRESIDENT



SARAH AND T.R. TOOK ON THE CORRUPT ESTABLISHMENTS AND WON




"IF I DIE I DIE" IN THE ATTEMPT- SARAH PALIN." "IF HE FAILS HE FAILS WHILE DARING GREATLY"-TEDDY ROOSEVELT


 TEDDY& SARAH-R(H)INO HUNTERS
 A BULL MOOSE? NO WAY TEDDY-A CARIBOU






SPACE FOR ONE MORE

Giuliani's Exploring N.Hampshire.Romney's Nightmare/Palin's Hope Media Missing Boat Looking At Christie



The media with their flavor of the month attempt at a political reality, show as Sarah Palin so rightly described what is happening, is flitting from candidate to candidate trying  to drum up excitement and sell whatever media they work for.


Daniels/Pawlenty/Bachmann/Perry have come and gone, to one degree or another, after massive media puff ups. This is happening because the putative front runner, Romney, adds no color or excitement that they can work up, so friend and foe alike are raised into some level of lather or excitement. They have even dragged up the political dead end of Mike Huckabee today, with  another in the series of "will he run-he's seriously considering it" nonsense which was shot down straight away.


The media beat up du jour is of course Chris Christie. He has denied that he will run so many times that it is embarrassing to see the level of degradation of journalism that has ensued, as they try to make "No" into "Yes." Some have milked this scenario by advising that if Christie succumbed to their siren song it would be unfair to him. This because it would "endanger his health." So they will have been a significant party to that scenario, and would of course have plenty of articles to write about like "The tragedy of Christie." It's all very  sad. Eugene Robinson leads the tut tut charge. What a gift to fair weather friends and late night satirists Christie is.


What is also very sad is that the media are missing the true story. It was hardly remarked on that Giuliani's team is in New Hampshire making a final exploratory bid. Final, because time is running out due to the need to register as a candidate. Giuliani himself stated clearly on Fox that he was still thinking of running, and would decide by the end of October, which is the cut off date for entry in reality, due to the process requirements.


It is Giuliani who is the nightmare candidate for Romney, not Perry or Huckabee. If Palin declares, and picks up the support that initially went to Bachmann in Iowa, and pulls off a win there, she would be very strongly placed for South Carolina. 


The tenor of this article was, most interestingly, promoted by the uber-Palin supporting site "Conservatives4Palin" There is I believe a significant advantage for an eventual Palin/Giuliani ticket as set out at the link.


Romney would expect to win New Hampshire handily, but if Giuliani, as a fellow East Coast, establishment-centrist representative, was in the mix, Romney and Giuliani could very well split the establishment vote (with Huntsman also taking votes from Romney). This result could give Palin the win if she was, after Iowa, the last true conservative left standing. In one New Hampshire poll Giuliani was highly placed, as he was also when added to the mix in Florida, another key Romney state.


With all three states in the bag then, with the large industrial states on a proportional allocation basis, thus blunting a Romney advantage further, Palin could be well on her way to the nomination. If Donald Trump, as seems very possible, endorses her too, she would have it sewn up.

REFERENCES:
Perry 20%/Giuliani 14%/ Palin13% Marist Poll

Huntsman campaign moves to New Hampshire after gaining traction

Rudy Giuliani sends a key emissary to New Hampshire to test a possible run

Top Giuliani advisor meets with New Hampshire Republicans

Enter Palin/Giuliani stage right and stage left

Trump run will ensure Obama election unless he endorses Palin

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Jon Stewart Descends Into The Palin Derangement Syndrome Pit-The Sorrow & The Pity


I watched, until now, Jon Stewart's "The Daily Show" as, even though he presents in general a left-wing point to of view he does have, on occasion, conservatives presenting their side. He gives them a harder time, in  my opinion, than he does leftists, but so does e.g. Bill O'Reilly when talking to conservatives. Fair enough, people should be able to defend their point of view in the face of hard questions.

Stewart is genuinely funny sometimes, and genuinely childish at other times. The latter reflecting what appears to be the average age of his studio audience, but he has a job to do, so you take the good with the bad. He can be totally fair and balanced, for example he has denigrated the administrations involvement with Solyandra
(whilst walking  it back a bit in discussing it with Bill O'Reilly unfortunately).

What I have particularly admired has been his, as I have judged it, fair treatment of Sarah Palin. When other leftist sites have ranged from near insane, to snotty nosed dismissive, Stewart has been genuinely fair to her. In fact, when the media went PDS insane over the 24,000 emails that were released concerning her term as governor, he mocked them relentlessly for their ridiculous witch hunt.

However, sadly and strangely, just when it appears that Palin may not run and poses no threat to the Democrats, Stewart's show engaged in a distortion which one would expect from the likes of Daily Kos. Why would he do this? After all this time could he not resist a cheap shot at Palin?  Perhaps he sees that if she does enter the race she might have a strong effect on it to the Dem's (or the GOP establishments choice) prospects? It is puzzling and sad to see someone whom I respected for intellectual honesty, descend to the level of PDS.

In this clip "Moment of Zen" which Stewart uses as a funny ha ha  piece to close his show, he has Palin  appear a hypocrite by, in one shot denigrating polls "They are for strippers and skiers" and in the next clip appearing to laud her poll result where she came in the top three.

If that were the truth of the matter Stewart would have just cause to make the presentation. However. if the entire interview with Palin is viewed uncut, as it is in the Greta van Susteren interview below, it is clearly seen that he took her comments entirely out of context.

From 6:38 on in the interview the truth of the matter is clear. Greta is discussing Herman Cain's excellent poll result in Florida, and suggests it was a surprise to the media. Palin responds by saying it is "humorous the way the media covers  these candidates as flavor of the month" and builds them up only to tear them down. She then uses as an example of media distortion-that the media uses polls in that quest, showing that one television station showed her way down in the polls, but ignoring another which had her way up in the polls. Stewart took the end bit of that and contrasted it, disingenuously I think, with the speech in Iowa where she decried polls in general.

If someone of Stewart's previous stature and character can resort to such distortion so early in the piece, it is frightening to contemplate to what levels the Obama support team, in the overtly leftist media, will go to in attacking Palin if she does run. The right must maintain total vigilance and answer these attacks with the truth, over and over till they, the progressive left and their enablers in the MSM are shamed and cowed.

.



Wednesday, September 28, 2011

RedState Poll; June Palin 27%/Perry21%-September Palin 50% Perry 8%

The results speak for  themselves don't they, and reflect, once again, and poll after poll, that the rank and file activists at major activist sites want Palin.




Red State Poll in June:



And after the Rick Perry/Michele Bachman hype collapse (and now the Cain hype) in September too date;





Palin's Legacy; Exposing the Rotten Soul of The "Progressive" Left



As it becomes more likely that Sarah Palin will not run for president in 2012, perhaps it is time to reflect on the legacy she will leave behind, if indeed she does not  run.


Palin has brought a color, and excitement, to the political arena and daily life. She has assisted candidates of quality to get elected who were unknowns before she endorsed them. Palin has enlivened the political discourse by bringing in millions of decent ordinary folks to her Facebook site and the various Palin supporting sites that have sprung up in their multitudes.Which other political personality has inspired so many in so positive a fashion since President Obama took office?


When other Republicans feared to take on the Obama administration, Palin stepped in fearlessly. Her "death panels" quote became the motto for the Tea Party charge against the administrations health care plans and electrified the Tea Party. This movement became, with her assistance, a major force in defeating the administration in the 2010 landslide.


Palin has inspired by showing that an ordinary person from a small town far away can, through sheer effort and belief in what is right, run for the second highest office in America. She has shown that women can do anything, and has changed the way society views women as candidates, to the point that a woman running for president is unremarked on gender wise.


But perhaps one of the most important thing that the rise of Sarah Palin has done is to bring to the light of day the darkness that lies in the heart of the 'progressive' left. 


That the mainstream liberal media has embarked on a three year campaign of unremitting attacks on Palin, in defense of their hero Obama is extraordinary. That it would have happened during the 2008 campaign was to be expected, especially as she was McCain's spear carrier. But for it to continue for three years in column after column, and television show after television show,
is, frankly, just odd.


But from the MSM there was, apart from the undisguised contempt at, and turning up of the nose at this common person, from the backwoods, who dared to challenge the establishment, a degree of civility-cursing and attacking her family was not usually resorted to.


But for the "progressive' left no such restrictions existed. Every lie, filth, curse word, arrogant dismissal like is found in Doug Mataconis's endless anti-Palin rants (so skewered by Stacy McCain), distortion, calumny, foul mouthed invective, and condescension raged out at Palin and her family. Hate sites like Daily Kos, FiredogLake, Huffington Post, and a myriad of others, spewed out endless garbage and attacks on Palin and her family.


Andrew Sullivan typifies the Palin obsession which psychologists and social scientists in the future will puzzle over. Why would a rational person engage in, as a blogger, otherwise friendly  to Sullivan, noted;
* A Google search for “Trig” on Andrew Sullivan’s blog turns up 274 entries. A search for “Palin” turns up 8,860 entries. In "100+ rants"


On top of the standard progressive hate, there was the insane hate sites like "Palin's Deceptions" and Immoral Minority" which spewed out mad columns of conspiracy theories about the Palin's, especially that her Down Syndrome child wasn't really hers. That so many people could be so obsessed is difficult to understand.


The reason must lie in the core of liberalism which is jealousy and sexual frustration/obsession. 


The passion of envy of those, especially those who come from the same social background as the obsessed, must be the core reason for such incredible and unwarranted hatred. In other words, it is self loathing finding an outlet in 'the other' especially if that other stands on a pro-life, and achievement through hard work platform. For those who have failed in life they look at Palin, but what they see is the ultimate expression of what they might have achieved, and the failure gnaws at their very core.


If Palin leaves the political world and is not seen as a threat to the Democrat's/Obama, then perhaps ration thinking might once again be allowed to enter the political discourse. 


Those who have been Palin supporters to the level of near, happy, obsession, have at least had a positive input into, and from, their lives and can leave the fray, if that is what has happened, better persons for having entered it. Those Palin deranged (PDS) persons have had an entirely negative expression of their lives, and inner core, and need to look deep inside themselves and perhaps seek professional help.


Perhaps too those who have been so madly obsessed can take a step back and consider their actions over these last three years-three years which Sullivan describes as a  national nightmare-but is in reality an irrational nightmare of his, and his peers creation. 


If they do so, and try and cure themselves, they will have lanced a putrid boil of their own creation, and owe Palin a debt of gratitude for making them better person.













Politics Post Palin-Life Goes On But With A Bit Less Fizz


Although it may turn out otherwise, it seems to me as if Sarah Palin will not run for president in 2012. Her repeated statement on Greta Van Susteren's show that "you don't need a title to make a difference", her legal action against the publishers of McGiniss's book (which might distract from a campaign) and her upcoming visit to Korea during a scheduled GOP debate, all seem to me to point to that conclusion.

That I am not alone in feeling this way a quick glance at the comments from her most loyal supporters at Conservatives4Palin would confirm straight away-there is much sadness and melancholy there.

Am I personally upset  at the prospect, do I feel somehow "betrayed" or taken for a ride by Palin for all the columns and support I have given over the last two years? Heck no-I called it as I saw it, and still believe in the policies and principles Palin stated and embodies. If she is not the vehicle to progress them so be it and good luck to her. My guide in commentary life is the same one that sits on the masthead at "The Other McCain" website;


"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler"

Do I give a damn what people like Doug Mataconis says about Palin supporters (and Stacy McCain absolutely skewers Mataconis)-hell no. People who are afflicted with the psychological problem of Palin Derangement Syndrome are in a much worse mental condition than those who dedicated much of their lives and time to Palin Support Syndrome-one is positive view of life and the other, PDS afflicted, is indicative of a sour, distorted, hateful internal life.

In  consideration of Palin not running, and yes, in contradiction to the leftist meme that all Palin supporters are naive die-hards, we actually consider life without Palin, I wrote two articles which I reproduce (with the titles in red) below. the first sets out what I would personally do if she didn't run and the second looks to a  possible alternative political future e.g. a third party scenario if nothing changes in the political arena.


The one positive from Palin not running, should that be the case, would be I would "get part of my life back". The negatives, apart from the loss for America of a good person in politics (Palin) would be that a certain electricity and anticipation would have gone from my life. Further, the struggle to find items to comment about, with enthusiasm, would open like a yawning chasm. A Mitt Romney candidacy and presidency-what a terribly boring prospect for the media and bloggers alike!


If she decides not to run, the prospect of Palin ending up as the "contrarian" on some leftist network like Scarborough or Beckel on the rightist network, is too horrible to contemplate. I would prefer to see her in happy retirement writing the occasional commentary or returning from the plough one day (or rather fishing boat) to save the nation like Cincinnatus. Whatever happens, and the choice is entirely hers of course, the nations life has been made more interesting and richer because of this maligned like no other, brave and exciting woman. It's been an honor Sarah (and if you do run I will of course leap into the fray).


************************************************************************
"I Have Decided NOT To Support Any of the Republican Hopefuls"


In considering the 2012 election I posted this some time ago;



"If Palin Doesn't Run-Then who To Support?


It depends of course.


If Palin doesn't run and endorses someone then, except for Romney or Bachmann that's the person I would vote for (Palin supporters are not robots). If Palin endorses a candidate and that candidate subsequently chooses either Romney or Bachmann as their running mate then I would not vote for them.


In both the above,"I won't vote for them" cases I would write in Palin.


If Palin doesn't endorse anyone then I would vote in a primary election for, in descending order, Giuliani, Pawlenty, Perry-if none of those were on the ballot I would write in Palin."


Since writing that, I have had the opportunity to further consider the prospective candidates. My views on Bachmann and Romney have been, if anything, further consolidated- I won't vote for either under any circumstances.


Pawlenty has gone, I have seen enough of Perry to say no thanks. Giuliani is the only prospective candidate I would consider at this point. Even if Palin endorsed  a candidate I would not vote for them, except, perhaps Rudy.


At this point I have to agree with the writer of this letter with the one possible exception of Giuliani. If he doesn't run and Palin doesn't run then I too will write in Palin.

******************************************************************************************************


Sarah Palin for Pres. or Bust


I have decided to NOT support any of the Republican Presidential Hopefuls.
 –
I will only support Sarah Palin for President of the United States even if I have to write her in.

A)  Americans generally do not trust Republicans or Democrats.  (either do I).
Sarah Palin has always been a lone ranger of sorts that held both parties to account. 

She didn't play politics...always looking to improve Alaska's economy and the management
of Alaska's resources against crony Oil companies.

It is about time America realize what I realize...

The CHOICES ALL STINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


As a PROUD  Conservative.....  I WILL NOT..... I SHALL NOT...... SUPPORT ANYONE
Palin
**********************************************************************

If Palin Doesn't Run-Time For A Mass Movement Third (Or Replacement) Party

If Sarah Palin chooses not to run for president  in 2012, and who could blame her given the unrelenting character assassination she and her family have been subject to, then perhaps it is time to consider the creation of a mass third party or rather a replacement party for one of the current big two.

If Romney or Perry or Christie, Giuliani, Huntsman or Bush get the nomination, they being amongst the most likely at this point in time sans a Palin run nobody, surely, would expect any radical change in society. All of them represent business as usual in their historic ties to crony capitalism, country club Republicanism and the Beltway elite.

Nothing is more  certain that after the initial euphoria  at the removal of the hapless Obama administration the new GOP presidents polls would be well under 50% approval once the economy either didn't improve or turned down further from where it was on election day.

None of these candidates are a Reagan which, if they were, would make persevering with the GOP an option. They aren't and if Palin doesn't run there is no reason to stick with the GOP ( I will write in Palin even if she chooses to back whomever is the GOP nominee).

When major tectonic change happens in society the body politic adjusts by removing one of the existing major parties. This happened with the eclipse of the Federalists and then the Whigs. 

Such change usually takes more than one election e.g. the Republicans first ran in 1856 and won the presidency in 1860. But a start has to be made sometime, and much as one would not wish to see either the GOP or Dem's win an election or two, it would be a bitter pill that would have to swallowed but would be an eventual cure.

As in 1856 there are enough of a number of existing grouping,which although disparate, could have enough in common to form the nucleus of a new party. if such groups as northern Whigs, know nothings, Free Soil Democrats could coalesce then PUMA's, Paulites, libertarians, disaffected Dem's, conservative feminists, Blacks, Gays, minorities who see the free market as their path to prosperity not the welfare state can come together, at least in dialogue initially.

Of course as a bedrock to these groups, and with organization of sorts in place, the Tea Party and the Christian conservative groups, could be the driving force for coalescing. 

The Tea Party could also provide an essential ingredient, money without which the modern reality says nothing can be done, they would also provide a sheet anchor of credibility as, in a wonderful display of foresight, they have not organized themselves with a leader who could be dismissed as any individual could be.

At some point such a co-alition would of course need a leader and one springs to my mind but, as with the Tea Party, the essential thing would be to tap into the deep pool of populism, rage against a congress which is at an all time low in the public estimation and an increasingly unpopular and out of touch administration.

Not only is government the problem but the Democrats and Republicans, as they are now constituted are the problem, as they provide the government. It is, sans a Palin candidacy, as she has a proven record of not being dominated by the powers that be, time to consider a new, genuinely populist, independent of Washington and the crony capitalist and the welfarist big spenders, big taxers, new party.

The time has never been more propitious as with the utter deflation of all the faith and trust that was put into the "hope and change" media creation there is a mood of total rejection of the status quo. To even consider that Romney/Perry is the answer is of course silly, trusting the American people with a new creation is on the other hand the most positive thing that could be considered.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

'Perhaps Palin Isn't Damaged Goods As I Thought But Playing Brilliant Long Game"


'I must say, Mr. Sheppard’s analysis is impressive, gives evidence of

deep thinking, and it makes sense! I like a man with a brain who can
express himself well!' (Quite right)
***************************************************************

I said  last week that "pundits don't have a clue" and gave examples of just how wrong they are. One at least has admitted his lengthy period of dismissal of Sarah Palin's chances should she declare as a GOP candidate. Which, although stating the obvious by inference that, even as a  research fellow at Oxford University specializing American politics he, Dr Timothy.Stanley, doesn't have clue and changes his opinions with the wind.

The "ordinary soldiers" at such sites as Conservatives4Palin have been saying exactly this for a year at least but such insights escape the vast majority of professional and academic pundits-why because their political positions and elitist nature blinds them to the fact that,as Stanley discovers, as the scales fall from his eyes that Palin may, just may, actually be of intelligent and is in  reality a strategist of the highest order.

If shed declares and wins the nomination a vast number of pundits will have egg on their collective faces and will wake up to a new reality. Further their career options will be quite narrow as nobody except the most partisan on the left will take their opinions with any more credence than the guy next doors over the backyard fence.

Here's his amazing discovery and change of mind from "The Telegraph"


Strangely, the stronger candidate is Sarah Palin. For months now commentators (me included) have been saying that she is damaged goods and that the longer she has waited to announce her candidacy, the less logistically possible it has become. But now we’re wondering if Mrs Palin hasn’t been playing a brilliant long game, letting the other candidates beat each other up before entering the fray. Perhaps the biggest issue of this primaries season is authenticity: Romney has none and Perry’s has been called into doubt. Palin is low on personnel and money, but the Tea Party knows who she is, believes in her and will back her if there’s no viable conservative alternative. There’s no one more authentically Right-wing than Sarah Palin.
Palin is just five points behind President Obama in a hypothetical match-up: a better position than Rick Perry. If she jumped in now – and it would have to be now – she would eclipse Perry as the anti-Romney candidate overnight. Perhaps this won’t happen; perhaps it is too late for her. But the shadow that Palin and Christie are casting over this race is indicative of its uncertainty. After all these noisy debates, we’re no closer to knowing who will beat Obama in 2012.


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The Truth; Tea Party 50.4% Old Guard 29.5% GOP Go With Majority or Lose Soul/Election



No matter how much the Beltway pushes for a "next in line" Dole/McCain candidate. No matter the country club faction casting longing eyes towards Chris Christie the rank and file just don't want Romney/Christie/Bush. Daniels and Pawlenty gave up before they started or immediately after they started as they saw the writing on the wall.


That the rank and file are not impressed with Perry, the previous rising star and cast a protest vote for Cain in Florida shows that no matter what they will not move en mass to Romney.


Irrespective of what the media says, what the George Wills want here are the indisputable facts taken from a moving average of polls. These are the unvarnished undistorted facts as one poll may be cooked but an aggregate of polls, over time, have such a large count that they give as near an accurate figure as can be determined and free from prejudice.


If such an aggregate gives a faction-in this instance the conservative, Tea Party grouping of GOP voters not just a lead but an overwhelming one then that is a true reflection of where the party is at this point in time. That the faction has not settled on a standard bearer does not negate the fact that their opinions are predominant.


That the prospective candidate list is not settled yet as Palin, and possibly Giuliani at least, may enter and if they do the picture will change again but the Tea party dominance will not change. Of course, Palin's poll aggregate would increase strikingly once/if she declares, and Giuliani would eat into Romney's support.


The Real Clear Politics aggregate of Republican candidate support  is as follows (by faction)


Tea Party/Conservative support:     50.4% (Perry/Palin/Bachman/Cain/Santorum)
Old Guard:                                     29.5% (Romney/Gingrich/Huntsman)
Libertarian:                                      8.7%   (Paul/Johnson)
Undecided/Other:                           11.4%


The danger for the majority GOP voters is that Romney might win on a split vote, especially in the larger vote states even if he loses Iowa and South Carolina early on. This was the McCain scenario and the end result would be a large stay at home vote from those on the right who simply can't bring themselves to vote for Romney, even if Obama is re-elected as a neutered second termer.  They will bide their time till 2016 and have a genuine conservative lead the party.   


The figures don't lie no matter what the media says. Nothing will be decided until Palin declares-if she runs she can unite the majority behind her. If she doesn't run the GOP may simply throw the election away, no matter what the siren song of "Romney can win the Independents and beat Obama" may be. He may win the Independents (and may not as the media turns on him as they surely will) but he may lose the Tea Party vote and the party may lose its very soul for four years.


Here is the truth on what the rank and file want:








                                      

Monday, September 26, 2011

The New World of Budget Airlines


{Now and then a respite from politics}

The new world of budget airlines

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir. May I see your ticket?


Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right - you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that $10.

Passenger: No way.

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here - take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? Whatever will I do with it?

Attendant: Hang on to it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.