Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Time Of The Year For Religious Humor (Offends All Denominations With No Sense of Humor)




 
       During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember
       these four great religious truths:
 
       1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
       2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
       3.Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
       4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
 
 
       GOOD SAMARITAN
       A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
       She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and
       bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,
       "I think I'd throw up.."
 
 
       DID NOAH FISH?
       A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing
       when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two
       worms."
 
 
       THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
       A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most
       quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 . She gave the youngsters a month to
       learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't
       remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first
       line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the
       congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the
       microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to
       know."
 
 
       UNANSWERED PRAYER
       The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and
       bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him
       why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his
       messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He
       doesn't answer it?" she asked.
 
 
       BEING THANKFUL
       A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers
       for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy
       replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
 
 
       ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
       When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family
       member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).. For several weeks,
       after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This
       soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity
       got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about
       all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by
       saying 'All Men'!"
 
 
       SAY A PRAYER
       Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's
       house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When
       Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please
       wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy
       replied.. "Of course, you do "his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before
       eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is
       Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.
 
 
       THE BIBLE
       Did you know that... When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache. When you
       open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints. Let's read the
       Bible every day so he keeps on fainting. Maybe one day he'll have a stroke and
       never wake up.
       
And did you also know that when you are about to forward this post to others,
       The devil will discourage you but forward it anyway.

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